How One Word Can Change the Direction of Your Year

New Years Resolutions. We’ve all had them, dropped them, and made new ones. I don’t know what it is about resolutions. Maybe it’s the resolute nature of them, but I never can keep it throughout the year. When I heard about the “One Word” movement, I was a bit skeptical. I’m all for fresh starts and new direction, but one resolution for the whole year just ties a person down! As someone who wanted to live intentionally throughout the year and my life, I needed a way to focus my year. Here’s a simple, yet thoughtful activity you can do as you begin a new year that can change the direction of your year.

Step 1: Pick a word.

The first step to implementing the one word is to prayerfully consider what area God is leading you to work on in the New Year. Many times in my life, the word has been popping up in my prayer journal, prior to my choosing it. Maybe you’ve had a word that you’ve been mulling over (trust, contentment, humility). Two years ago, my word was “blessings”. Last year, my word was “discipline”. This year, my word will be “community”. The important thing to remember when choosing a word is that it is a decision you make with God.

Step 2: Display the word.

For anything you want to commit to, it is important to have a way to remind yourself of the commitment. The first year I did the one word activity, I made a blessings jar. Throughout the year, I would write down anything that I considered a blessing. Last year, I painted a canvas with the word “discipline”, along with a verse that shaped my vision for the year. The key is to be creative so that you will remember the word throughout the year.

Step 3: Find a verse(s).

A word is meaningless void of scripture. Scripture gives clarity and significance to the word. The verse you find should match the direction God is putting on your heart. Throughout the year, you can memorize the verse. I like to post the verse on my bathroom mirror to help me remember it. It’s also helpful to meditate on the verse when considering how you are applying the word to your life.

Step 4: Live it out.

Now it’s time to put some feet on your word and live it out! It’s great to make all the preparation, but it won’t change your year until you start listening to the direction of the Spirit, in regards to your word. One of my favorite things about the one-word activity is the aspect of accountability. A close friend and I choose our word and share it with one another. Throughout the year, we pray for each other and ask probing questions. When one of us is struggling, the other can encourage and point back to God. The beautiful thing about applying one word is you can see progress in that area throughout the year.

Rather than focusing on one goal, the one-word activity enables you to think beyond your current preoccupation. You are no longer tied down to this one thing that may or may not match the direction of your life three months down the line. One word can be used to guide your decision-making and thought processes throughout the year.

Are you ready to begin the New Year with purpose and direction? Check out My One Word for more information.

Singleness Is Not a Disease to Be Cured

“You’ll find the right one someday.” “It’ll happen in God’s timing.” “When I stopped looking, I found the one.” Maybe you’ve heard some version of this advice toward your single season. While said with the best intentions, this advice leaves singles feeling a bit like they are in a waiting room for real life. Singleness is looked at in this negative context as if God couldn’t use it for His glory. We begin waiting for someone to give us permission to live. All the while, we may feel like God is holding out on us or somehow punishing us. We end up viewing our single season like it is a disease to be cured.

Here are some reasons we need to stop treating singleness like a disease to be cured:

1.     God’s timeline does not follow the world’s timeline.

There is a culturally acceptable age to be single. After that, people begin to wonder if you are even trying or if there is something wrong with you. Often when hearing that a 20-something is single, people will say, “well, it’s okay because you’re still young.” Would it not be okay to be single in the young 30’s, upper 30’s, or dare I say the 40’s? The problem with putting an age limit on singleness is that God does not operate based on the world’s standards. He is not limited by the constraints the world imposes. Consider the example of the Israelites. God had promised to give them the land flowing with milk and honey on a trip that should’ve taken days. Due to their disobedience, it took the Israelites 40 years of wandering through the desert to enter the Promised Land. God was faithful all along. While the story of our own lives may not follow the future that the world or we expect, God will accomplish His plan. If we believe that God is sovereign and His timing is perfect, we must also believe that our singleness is purposeful.

2.     Being single does not mean you are being punished.

As the Israelites disobeyed God and were withheld the blessing for a time, we may associate our singleness with a lack of obedience. We may have an “if-then” relationship with our sin. If I correct this sin pattern in my life, then God will give me a spouse. We then look around and see plenty of people who don’t have it all together, yet have a spouse. This “if-then” condition doesn’t add up. The way I have come to see God is that He is a good God who wants good gifts for His children. We can see evidence of this in the Psalms,

“For the Lord God is a sun and shield;

The Lord bestows favor and honor.

No good thing does he withhold

from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84: 10-11 ESV).

If the Word of God tells me that I have every good thing I need in Christ, then I can understand that I do not need the gift of marriage, right now. My extended time as a single can be seen as a blessing because it gives me more time to find Christ as my treasure.

3.     Your purpose on Earth is to glorify God.

The first time I read advice on singleness that told me my life was not about me, I was angry. I wanted to be validated in my disdain for my unwanted state. My emotions were so focused on myself, I forgot that I am here to glorify God. The statement by John Piper says it well, 

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him."

The extent to which we can glorify God is determined by the amount of satisfaction we find in Him. As we focus on our distaste for singleness, we will lose our ability to find our satisfaction in Him. 

The Westminster Catechism, based on 1 Corinthians 10:31 states,

“The chief end [purpose] of man is to glorify God, and enjoy Him forever.”

We are told to pursue things that make us happy. God promises a different and better way. Whether given the gift of marriage or not, we can live purposeful lives with the mindset that our lives should be a sacrifice of praise to God.

In the midst of all the contradicting advice and pressure to confine to the world’s standards, we can choose to believe the Word of God about singleness. We can live out our singleness with purpose, rather than merely exist until marriage. Singleness is not a disease to be cured; it is an opportunity to glorify God without reserve.

When A Good Man Doesn't Come

I was the girl who, as a teenager, wrote list of ideas of what a “good guy” would look like and act like. This list of ideals and non-negotiables has developed over the years, but nonetheless continued. I had this idea that by attending a Christian college, I’d find a “good Christian guy”. As graduation approached and I was still single, I started to buy into the idea that no good men exist. All around me, I heard some people tell me, “Your standards are too high. No one can meet those standards. You may need to reevaluate.” When I listened to other friends, they told me to hold tight to my standards and refuse to settle. As the former voices became louder, I started to mentally erase standards from the list that I didn’t believe could be found in men these days. I allowed myself to be influenced by the idea that no good men exist, anymore.

Here is why it is dangerous to listen to the voices telling us no good men exist:

1.)  We will begin to feel hopeless of the possibility of a Godly spouse.

When I was in college, I thought I’d have a “ring by spring”. When I got out of college, I thought I’d be married by 25. Now, at the age of 25, I’m coming to this place where I realize that God does not work on my timetable. He is not limited by age, location, or personality. When we tell ourselves that there are no good men, we are not trusting God. Out of a place of hopelessness, we can become fearful. Fear can lead us to make harmful decisions about relationships. Solomon wrote, “It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman” (Proverbs 21:19). As a single woman, I can interpret this verse to mean: it is better that I stay single through life than attach myself to a man who does not fear God. Hope is kept when we let God meet our needs.

2.)  We will not live purposeful lives.

The Lord has a plan for our lives, whether a good man enters the picture now or not. Our purpose does not begin when we find Mr. Right. How can we expect to find a man living his life on purpose if we are not living ours on purpose? When we get stuck on why we can’t find a good man right now, we forget that God has a plan for both singles and marrieds. After speaking about the purposes of singles and marrieds, Paul said, “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him” (1 Corinthians 7:17 ESV). Perhaps God has a different plan for our life during singleness that would not be possible if married. As we continue to live in His purpose, we will discover the ways God has made us. If ever brought in the path of a good man, we will be able to continue to live on purpose, rather than begin. When we follow God’s purposes for my life, we don’t waste our current season, in the hope of a different one.  

3.)  We will become bitter and blind.

As a single that looks around and does not see any God fearing men, it can seem like no good men exist. We can begin to plague my language with “all men are like this” or “well, I guess this is as good as it gets”. These comments will cause us to be bitter towards our brothers in Christ. Whether a possibility towards a potential relationship or not, our brothers in Christ need our encouragement toward living the life God has called them to. When we say things like “guys will be guys”, we limit the God-given life that is possible for them. Bitterness expressed in words will leave our brothers in Christ feeling there is no use in trying to live out their calling. In addition, my language can put a blindfold over our eyes to see the good men that are already there. Spiteful language about “all men” can become a blinder to seeing the men who are living for the glory of God. David encourages us to “delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4 ESV). While I don’t think this verse means every single will get married, I do think God hears our prayers for a good man. Instead of speaking out against what we can’t see, let’s be in the business of praying for and speaking life to the good men we can see.

4.)  We will become prideful.

When we keep the conversation about the problems with men, we take the focus off our own sinful selves. The focus on the problems of someone else is a pride trap. This pride trip steers our eyes away from self-examination. If God has put a desire in our hearts for a good man, we should stay in prayer for this man. We should also be in prayer that we will be a good woman, who a good man would be interested in pursuing. There are certain things we are not active in examining in ourselves when our focus is on the problems of someone else. Paul says, “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:32). Instead of being worried about why the men around us aren’t what we are praying for, we should be attentive to being the woman of God who pleases the Lord.

If these good men are not abundant and seem to be in hiding, maybe we are not ready for a relationship. Perhaps God has a better plan for us in singleness than could be met in relationship. Maybe God is blessing us with additional time to get our vertical relationship right with Him before leading us to a good man. Whether or not we can understand the future of our singleness, we can trust our God who has good gifts for His children. In the meantime, we can pray for our brothers in Christ, as we strive to be the women God has called us to be.