When Answered Prayers are Not Enough

 When Answered Prayers are Not Enough

               In the past year, I’ve had many prayers answered. Some have been answered with an unmistakable “yes”, some with an unclear “not yet”, and others with a definite “no”. Before this past year, I assumed that if I had the answer to my prayer, I wouldn’t really need to pray so much. I mistakenly assumed that people that had the strongest prayer lives were the ones who had the most needs in their lives. Because of what I’ve been through in the past year, I’m learning that prayer is less about the answer, but more about who we get to communicate with. I’ve been quick to seek the response and then move on to the next thing. What I’m discovering is it’s less about the “yes”, “no”, or “not yet”, but more about who we are learning God to be through the conversation.

One of the prayers I’d been bringing to God on the regular post-college was regarding my love- life (and all Christina’s friends and family say “Amen!”) By the time I graduated from college, I assumed God would be ready to acknowledge my clear step of maturity (ahem…I sure am glad He didn’t answer on my timeline) and bring along Mr. Wonderful. The blessing of the “not yet” was largely overlooked. I assumed that the wait meant God was upset with me and there was some large sin that I needed to repent of. Instead of shifting my prayer to what God really wanted, I stopped praying for it for a while. I was upset with God because He wasn’t doing things in the timing that I assumed would work best for my life. A great deal of time was unnoticed, in which I could pray for God to make me a woman of God who would be attractive to a man of God. God wasn’t punishing me for not being ready but was extending an opportunity to let me grow more to Him during the waiting.

My prayer to meet a man who would become my future husband was met with a “yes” in the oddest year I could’ve imagined: 2020. The affirming answer did not come in the manner I expected. If you know our story, my fiancé and I did not initially have a firework experience on our first date. In fact, we both agreed we were a little rusty on our dating experience but agreed to try again for a second date. As I got to know him better, I knew my boyfriend would not stay in that status for long. The way he pointed me to the Father and reminded me of who I was in Him made me so sure that he was the one I’d been praying for. After making me the happiest woman in the world, my conversations with God were different. Yes, I had received the answer I’d been praying for, years later. However, I suddenly realized that if I was going to continue to be the woman of God who initially attracted my fiancé, I would need the closeness of the Father. The “yes” was not the end of the conversation about my life with my fiancé. In fact, it would only be the beginning of many conversations with the Father. If I was going to be someone who could (even in my selfishness and shortcomings) continue to choose him day after day, I needed to be someone who continued to choose Him day after day. What I’m finding is the more God answers my prayers with an affirmative, the more I must remember that it is Him doing the work.

               During 2020, not only was everything shutting down around me, but my body was also in the process of shutting down. I’ve struggled off and on with thyroid problems. When my thyroid is sluggish, I feel no energy. As the nation was experiencing increased numbers of people contracting COVID, my body was undergoing deficient levels of thyroid hormones. As I longed and prayed to feel active and lively while being trapped in my home, I was met with a “no” to my continual prayers. While this was an answer, it was not the one I had hoped for. Initially, I met the answer with distance. If my request was not going to be answered in the way I saw fit for my life, I decided to implement the silent treatment with the God of the universe. During my stint of silence, solitude, and stillness, God was there. He was my peace, as the nation was at war with the global pandemic. He was my hope when all normalcy seemed lost. He was the power at work in me, when I felt powerless. He was the light when all felt dark. Perhaps the answer of “no” is not meant to restrict or confine, but to lead us to shift our focus to Him. In the “no”, He led me from despair to decision: a decision to not let my circumstance be the only denominator.

Many people use the verse about God being able to “do exceedingly abundantly above all we can ask or imagine” (Ephesians 3:20) when life is going well and they are being met with a “yes”. While God does do more than we could ever dream of regarding His blessings and provisions, He is the more than I could ever ask or imagine. The fact that He longs to speak to me daily is incredible. He is not so far removed from humanity that He can’t commune with His kids. He shines the light on me so I can see my sins and return to Him. My answered prayers that aren’t responded to in the way I had hoped and prayed toward remind me that the answer is not what I need. My God who is the receiver of my prayers is the answer. As I uncover His character through His responses to my prayers, I see Him for who He is and who I am in Him. I hope you and my answered prayers are never enough. I pray that the answers do not lead us to see ourselves more highly than we should, but lead us to the throne of our great high priest.