Embrace the Mess

The beginning of Hurricane Florence was marked by decisions to be made, preparation, and travel. Each pressing decision added more stress to what was already an overwhelming situation. It was a time when tensions were high and as a result, all kinds of ugly came out. Emotions like fear, annoyance, and selfishness reared their ugly heads. I longed for more peaceful times when I could keep some of my ugly emotions under wraps.

Even once the storm ended, there was still a lot of ugly. As I drove back home after evacuating from Hurricane Florence, my eyes and ears were filled with intense sights and sound. Along the road, power lines sagged under the pressure of the hurricane winds. Neighbors stacked debris up in front of their homes. The roar of chainsaws came to life, in an effort to clear some of the fallen trees. Car horns blared as evacuees broke under the pressure to return home. Fallen dead limbs cluttered once beautiful yards. All around, all I could see was brokenness. Loss. Grief. Emptiness. When would things be back to normal? Former picturesque Jacksonville had been replaced with destruction. Everything in me wanted things back to the way they were before.

When we experience brokenness in our lives, we may wish away the unhappy circumstances. In an attempt to get our hearts back to level ground, we rush the brokenness along. We try to bypass the pain and hurt by speeding ahead to relief.

I’d like to offer 5 reasons we should embrace the mess:

1.     Troubles allow the hidden parts of us to be revealed.

If I’m honest with myself, most of my ugly can stay hidden or covered up during the “normal” times. They still exist, friend. David reminds us in Psalm 139:2, “You know my thoughts before I think them”. Yet still, aren’t we the masters of disguise, able to conceal these prickly thoughts? Nothing hidden can be dealt with. It is the messy times that call my messy emotions out of hiding. Why can I be thankful for this big reveal? Through the unveiling, God can renew these places.

2.     Acknowledgment of weakness activates God’s strength.

Once my thoughts are out of hiding, God can be my strength. God’s grace can strengthen me when my hidden weaknesses are illuminated. Paul uses the word “content” or in the KJV version “take pleasure” when responding to the presence of trails. How can Paul be so positive when he is being insulted, persecuted, and even thrown into prison? The second part of 2 Corinthians 2:10 may give us an answer: “For when I am weak, then I am strong”. This strength that Paul speaks of can only be accessed when we acknowledge our weakness. Often as long as we think we can take care of our problems, God allows us. Once we acknowledge our weaknesses, God can and will be our strength.  

3.     God-reliance marks the life of a mature believer.

As people who operate in a culture that values self-reliance, it can be so counter-intuitive to be God-reliant. We think if we can be more independent, we will have more worth. Yet in the midst of that thinking, God says, “For I am the Lord your God, who upholds your right hand” (Isaiah 41:13). The trial leads me to acknowledge who has been in control from the beginning of time. We think the mark of a mature believer is being independent of God; yet, maturity in Christ is increased and total dependence on God (Enduring Word). The trials invite us to step out into the unknown, confident that God’s strength and grace are sufficient. 

4.     We may miss the message by rushing to get out of the mess.

Most good messages are communicated best through a mess. Many kids never learn a lesson until they experience some kind of a mess. It took me falling down the steps face-first onto the pavement (the day before picture day, nonetheless!) to learn not to carry too much at a time. Without that mess and oh was it a mess (sorry mom and dad for my Spring 1998 school photo!), I would not have received the message that I am not Wonder Woman. Our ears seem to be a little more in tune to God when we are in a mess. This might be because we are finally to the end of our ideas and ourselves. Many thanks to our Father for patience during the times we tune out His message because we think we’ve got everything under control.

5.     Old diseased things must be uprooted before new things can grow.

Garden analogies are not lost on me, despite my lack of a green thumb. As I was working to uproot dead bushes, I had a startling revelation. The dead bushes had not only become an eyesore to the neighborhood but were also spreading contamination through the root system to healthy plants. Am I happy that my once beautiful shrubs were now brittle leafless blobs? No, of course not. But, by the process of death, I now have the chance to grow something new in its place. New life can grow once the dead places in our life are uprooted. Is there an attitude, thought pattern, behavior that needs to be put to death? Dear friend, it may be a painful and difficult uprooting process. Don’t lose hope; just think of what new attitudes, thoughts, and behaviors can now grow in the room you have created!

As I continue to experience the after effects of the storm, I can thank God for the mess. It is true that the rushing wind and crashing waves did damage to the place I call home. The storm even wreaked havoc on my emotions. The calm comes when I remember the God who stills the waves is my help during the mess. Charles Spurgeon said about the necessity of trials (mess), “The worst form of trial may nevertheless be our best present portion.” Let’s not rush the trial away, but allow God to be our present help in the messy places. 

Lessons Learned from Chronic Illness

May of 2008, my world changed. On what I thought would be a relatively routine doctor visit, I got a diagnosis that altered my life. “Your blood sugar is over 400. We think you have diabetes,” the urgent care doctor said. In that moment, new fears and questions entered my head. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Will I never be able to eat what I want again?

Maybe you’ve experienced a similar scenario in your own life or your loved ones life. The diagnosis of a chronic illness can feel debilitating. It’s hard to fight a daily battle with an illness that can never go away. As this month is Diabetes Awareness Month and I am coming up on my ten-year diaversary (anniversary of diabetes diagnosis), I wanted to share a few things I’ve learned along the way.

1.     Find a support group.

A life with chronic illness can be very lonely. Not many people “get it”. There are so many support groups for various chronic illnesses on Facebook. I recently joined one for Type 1 Diabetics. The amount of support that people are willing to give complete strangers is incredible. I have learned so much about my illness, just by reading about the experiences of others. Questions and answers flood the walls of Facebook support groups. While caution needs to be taken before accepting medical advice from people who are not medical professionals, there is a wealth of knowledge on these pages.  

2.     Get comfortable with presenting your emotions to God.

I used to be so reserved when it came to talking to God about the way I felt. I was concerned that maybe He wouldn’t love me as much if I had “real talk” with Him. Perhaps I didn’t trust that He could handle my real, raw emotions. With chronic illness comes a surplus of ever-changing emotions. God is never surprised by the way we feel. In fact, He already knows it before we ever voice our heart to Him. God desires us to speak to Him in all moments. I love the way Paul reminds the church “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” (Philippians 4:6 ESV). I think that by acknowledging our feelings to God, we are reminding ourselves that He is working things out.

3.     Let others help you.

It is difficult to admit when I need help. I would rather struggle through my illness alone than speak up. The problem with chronic illness is there always comes a day when you come to the end of yourself. I think more people want to help and take a concern, but often we do not let them in. In my own heart, my refusal to ask for help boils down to pride. When I don’t allow others in to help carry my struggle, I am revealing a lack of humility. Humility says, “I know you don’t have to, but thank you for the help”.  Pride says, “I don’t need you. I can do this on my own.” This attitude of pride can spill over into my faith life; I may not come to the Lord with my medical concerns because “I’ve got this”. There is a verse in the Psalms that says, “In his pride the wicked man does not seek Him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God” (Psalm 10:4 NIV). May we never get so wrapped up in self-sufficiency that we lose the ability to ask for help from loved ones or God.

4.     Acknowledge the goodness of God.

When I wake up in the middle of the night because of a low blood sugar, it is contrary to first acknowledge the goodness of God. How could lost sleep be a good thing? How could my lack of blood sugar control be a blessing? I have started to change my thinking. When I have a diabetic-related issue, especially during the night, I’ve started using the extra time awake to talk to God. This time awake gives me extra time to bring thankfulness and words of praise over to God. One way to thank God for His goodness is through this Psalm, “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever” (Psalm 23:6 ESV). Even through the rough patches of my illness, I can thank God because He is good. This mindset shift has lead to me remembering God’s goodness, whether my illness is out of control or steady.   

My chronic illness has revealed a lot of areas of strength and improvement in my life. I have learned much from my 9-ish years with diabetes. I hope the lessons I’ve learned are encouraging to you. I pray that as you battle daily your chronic illness, you will seek strength from El Shaddai, the Lord God Almighty. While chronic illness is not something that I would have asked God for, I truly believe He can use my chronic illness to grow me. My chronic illness does not have to define me. My God is teaching me how to live my life with chronic illness for His glory.