Purity Does Not Begin or End with a Ring

Purity. This word may leave bitterness in your mouth. Much of the teaching about purity is misarticulated or misunderstood. Confusion about purity has led many believers to believe that their pursuit of purity begins with the receiving of a purity ring and ends with the acceptance of a wedding ring. The goal of most teaching on purity is the pledge of sexual abstinence. Once married, many believers believe they can leave their “single struggle” behind. As a believer, we are committed to a lifelong pursuit of purity that is not contingent upon a ring.

Before we get into this, I want to say that I have a purity ring. As such, I am not anti-purity ring or anti-True Love Waits. I am one of the teenagers who was given a purity ring in my adolescence by my parents. While I’m not ashamed of the ring, I realize that wearing it does not give me any added status in God’s eyes. The ring also does not help me pursue purity, in and of itself. “Why do you still wear it then?” you may rightfully wonder. I wear it as a reminder to honor God with my life as a form of worship. The ring is a reminder of my commitment to honor God with all of my life, not just my sexuality.

Nevertheless, I think there are some important misconceptions that need to be addressed in regards to purity rings and their purpose. Whether you have, have had, or never had a purity ring or signed a purity pledge, I think it is beneficial to address some misconceptions about purity.

Here are some reasons purity does not begin or end with a ring:

1.     Virginity is not the ultimate goal of purity.

True Love Waits, the brainchild of LifeWay, was a nationwide campaign to encourage teenagers to abstain from sex until they entered marriage. This movement in combination with purity culture led to virginity commitment cards, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” book studies and purity rings. The emphasis was put on saving yourself for your marriage partner, without additional information on how to do it. This movement was not entirely meaningless; in fact, teaching young adolescents to value their sexuality is important. However, for many, it served as the only teaching on purity. If this is the beginning and end of the conversation, something has to change.

2.     Purity is not a one and done pledge.

One of the main problems with the idea of purity beginning when you slip on a ring is that the ring is not magical. There is nothing that the ring can do to keep you from giving yourself up sexually before marriage. The ring is a symbol of your commitment to pursuing God’s design for your sexuality. In “Sex and the Single Girl,” Dr. Juli Slattery about sexuality says, “Broken sexuality is expressed by single and married women when their sexual choices don’t match their spiritual commitment to follow the Lord.” Dr. Juli’s statement brings to life the lifelong journey of purity within singleness and marriage. The (purity, engagement, marriage) ring is a mark of your decision to follow God’s design for the rest of your life, not just for a season.

3.     Purity is not a female issue.

Due to the popularity of the purity ring, it is easy to get confused into believing purity is a predominantly female issue. Not as many males committed to getting a purity ring, unless you were the Jonas Brothers. As such, many girls felt it was their duty to slip on the ring in an attempt to fulfill their female duty and image. Instead of it being a promise between the young adolescent female and God, it became a measuring stick to use to decide who was holiest.  Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Whether or not a male or female decides to put on a purity ring, our thoughts are to be honored in the sight of the Lord.

4.     Purity is not a promise for yourself and others.

At youth events in the early 2000’s, many young adolescents signed pledges to remain pure. In a response to peer pressure, young girls and boys signed their name to a slip, without really knowing what they were pledging. Similarly, some adolescents accepted the ring in response to parents’ adamant requests. In both of these cases, young adolescents did not begin their commitment with a desire to honor God. At the end of the day, “man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7 ESV). The Lord is the only one who truly knows if your thought life honors Him. A commitment to purity will not hold up during trying times if it is upheld by a desire to please others. God who can truly help you pursue purity is the One who should motivate your commitment.  

5.     Purity looks different than the world sees. 

Throughout the years, I have received many responses about my choice to wear a purity ring. As it is on my ring finger, many people are curious and ask about it. Some see the ring as a challenge. Others have seen the ring as a deterrent for unwarranted attention from males. Still, others see the ring as an outdated limiting rule. What these responses miss is that a ring will not change one thing if your heart is not pursuing purity. The decision to commit to honoring God with your life always precedes any commitment through jewelry, pledges, or otherwise.

6.     Purity is not a single people struggle.

      The effort to convince young people to keep their bodies undefiled before marriage were well-meaning; however, the overemphasis on purity as keeping sex for marriage led many young adolescents to believe that once married, they no longer had to pursue purity. In an attempt to preserve marriage, the movement actually turned purity into a single person’s issue. While not yet married myself, I have had to look to married counterparts to be retaught how purity is a lifelong pursuit. Things that they had struggled with as a single don’t disappear into the abyss when they got married, I’ve been told. 

I don’t have all the answers about purity. I still have many questions about the “how” of purity. The things I hope you leave with are a better understanding of the “why” and the “what” of purity. I hope you leave with a desire to learn more about God’s design for sexuality and for surrender in all areas of your life. I hope you are encouraged to allow God to be Lord of your life in all spaces.