No Illegal Emotional Dumping

           

             Vent. Rant and rave. Blow off steam. Go off on a tangent. However you choose to speak about it, emotional dumping can cause your listening friend angst. A healthy friendship allows trust to discuss issues. The issue comes when time with a friend feels a bit more like a therapy session than a mutual conversation. To prevent either party feeling like the recipient of an emotional dump, lets consider:

Motive:

            Before we go to unleash the latest trouble in our world, lets consider our motive behind sharing. Are we looking for encouragement and empathy by going to our friend? Is there a solution to this problem that we already know of or one that could be gained from talking to our friend? On the contrary, are we hoping for pity and validation? Are we looking for someone to join us in our misery? What we say affects others. When we are “down in the dumps”, lets not bring a friend with us to share in our sorrow. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 speaks to the purpose of friendship: 

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

We ought to look to a friend who points us to the God who picks us back up and seek to be that friend.

Season of Friend:

Is my friend at a place where she can uplift me and point me back to God? Proverbs 27:17 speaks of “iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” When I go to a friend who is strong in her faith, I expect her to strengthen me with Biblical truth. I expect that she will challenge me when I am not in line with the faith that I claim. Likewise, I should be willing to be that to my friend when she comes to me with her own troubles. Am I considering my friend’s problems? Is she going through a similarly hard patch? Did my friend just lose her job and I am complaining about my job? Friendship is meant to be give and take. If either party is doing more giving or taking in conversation, I need to set boundaries or consider speaking to someone else. Let’s be gracious when we seek support and share our struggles.

Severity of Situation:

            At some point, we have to recognize that our friends are not meant to be our therapists. Some issues go beyond our friend’s capabilities. A friend may be too invested in us to speak objectively to our issues. A friend may not have ever dealt with the trying situation being placed on us. The most loving thing we may be told by a friend or tell to a friend could be that counseling is an option. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” The most loving thing we can do may be supporting a friend in pursuing a good counselor. We can earnest pray for a friend while she seeks out more intensive support.  

            Friendship is tricky and boundaries can easily be crossed. When we unleash our problems on others, we may be hurting our friendships. The command in John 15:12, “Love each other as I have loved you”, causes us to think about others before ourselves. If our conversations are placing an unfair burden on our friends, we need to conceal the emotional dump before it makes our friendship reek.