“You’ll find the right one someday.” “It’ll happen in God’s timing.” “When I stopped looking, I found the one.” Maybe you’ve heard some version of this advice toward your single season. While said with the best intentions, this advice leaves singles feeling a bit like they are in a waiting room for real life. Singleness is looked at in this negative context as if God couldn’t use it for His glory. We begin waiting for someone to give us permission to live. All the while, we may feel like God is holding out on us or somehow punishing us. We end up viewing our single season like it is a disease to be cured.
Here are some reasons we need to stop treating singleness like a disease to be cured:
1. God’s timeline does not follow the world’s timeline.
There is a culturally acceptable age to be single. After that, people begin to wonder if you are even trying or if there is something wrong with you. Often when hearing that a 20-something is single, people will say, “well, it’s okay because you’re still young.” Would it not be okay to be single in the young 30’s, upper 30’s, or dare I say the 40’s? The problem with putting an age limit on singleness is that God does not operate based on the world’s standards. He is not limited by the constraints the world imposes. Consider the example of the Israelites. God had promised to give them the land flowing with milk and honey on a trip that should’ve taken days. Due to their disobedience, it took the Israelites 40 years of wandering through the desert to enter the Promised Land. God was faithful all along. While the story of our own lives may not follow the future that the world or we expect, God will accomplish His plan. If we believe that God is sovereign and His timing is perfect, we must also believe that our singleness is purposeful.
2. Being single does not mean you are being punished.
As the Israelites disobeyed God and were withheld the blessing for a time, we may associate our singleness with a lack of obedience. We may have an “if-then” relationship with our sin. If I correct this sin pattern in my life, then God will give me a spouse. We then look around and see plenty of people who don’t have it all together, yet have a spouse. This “if-then” condition doesn’t add up. The way I have come to see God is that He is a good God who wants good gifts for His children. We can see evidence of this in the Psalms,
“For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
The Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84: 10-11 ESV).
If the Word of God tells me that I have every good thing I need in Christ, then I can understand that I do not need the gift of marriage, right now. My extended time as a single can be seen as a blessing because it gives me more time to find Christ as my treasure.
3. Your purpose on Earth is to glorify God.
The first time I read advice on singleness that told me my life was not about me, I was angry. I wanted to be validated in my disdain for my unwanted state. My emotions were so focused on myself, I forgot that I am here to glorify God. The statement by John Piper says it well,
"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him."
The extent to which we can glorify God is determined by the amount of satisfaction we find in Him. As we focus on our distaste for singleness, we will lose our ability to find our satisfaction in Him.
The Westminster Catechism, based on 1 Corinthians 10:31 states,
“The chief end [purpose] of man is to glorify God, and enjoy Him forever.”
We are told to pursue things that make us happy. God promises a different and better way. Whether given the gift of marriage or not, we can live purposeful lives with the mindset that our lives should be a sacrifice of praise to God.
In the midst of all the contradicting advice and pressure to confine to the world’s standards, we can choose to believe the Word of God about singleness. We can live out our singleness with purpose, rather than merely exist until marriage. Singleness is not a disease to be cured; it is an opportunity to glorify God without reserve.
A great word!
ReplyDeleteOmg so true! As we're in the holiday season we singles are going to be faced with those comments/questions you mentioned a lot more from well-meaning friends and family (if it hasn't already happened lol). This is going to be a great post to reflect on and come back to!
ReplyDeleteSo true - God's timing is not our own. We fall victim to cultural standards too often, and when we want to love another and be loved in return (both wonderful gifts from God), that desire deepens. But it may not be God's plan right now. So much of a Christian life calls for patience. Singles are in good company: even the apostle Paul was thought to be single!
ReplyDelete